On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My dick has a subreddit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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