Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
