So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
