i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
