Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i think my cat just said my name.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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