i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
