My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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