she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
