bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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