smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Boobs speak an international language.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
