Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
did i walk over a car last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
