I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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