you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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