if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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