Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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