...so i touched it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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