That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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