I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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