We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I currently don't understand fingers.
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