wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
