is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
