Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize