so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
