why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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