I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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