Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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