Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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