He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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