My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize