; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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