3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
even my farts smell like vagina
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
