drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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