I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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