Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
