Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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