i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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