I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
