Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
