I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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