dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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