So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
