That's intense
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
