My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you made out with another girl for some wings
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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