duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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