At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
