We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize