I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
