you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
