The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize