so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
