Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
