I think I died a long time ago.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
