jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
