....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
