We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
