why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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