Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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