I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
