The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
