youre lurking in front of me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize