not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
