Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
