This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
