bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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