just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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