I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
