Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
