Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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