y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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