we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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