i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize