Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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