just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
