Small penises have feelings too.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
