It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
