Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
