i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This baby is an asshole
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
