first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
