of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
