I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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