I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Even my vagina gasped.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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