I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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