I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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