It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
